Why We're Reclaiming Herd Mentality

Investors warn of stock market bubbles (AI, anyone?) when everyone blindly follows trends instead of data. Advertisers have convinced us that anyone with taste or style is unique, avoiding the bland predictability of the herd. I know it’s silly to say, but in case you forgot: advertisers and investors are not acting in your best interest. 

I think herd mentality is not just good, but actually helpful. I think we are stronger, wiser, and better together. As with most things I learned from experience, there is a pendulum, and it swings...

My ‘eldest daughter’ conditioning taught me to be constantly seeking validation, Am I doing this right? Does this look okay? Did I get the grade? Did I exceed your expectations? When I was younger I wasn’t encouraged to learn who I was or what I wanted, only what was expected of me.

I was in high school when this performance started to take its toll, and I spent most of my junior and senior years struggling to hide my depression.

Now, in a white plastic flip-top storage bin amongst yearbooks and photos, I have a collection of heart-shaped notes from one of my high school besties (who is maybe the most well-adjusted human I’ve ever had the privilege to love). Each note is a loving, playful, offer of encouragement. “You are beautiful inside and out!” “Good for one free validation on the concern of your choice.” 

I’m lucky that I did (and still do) have her in my life, and I’m grateful for all of the love and validation she’s given me over the years, but with time, distance, spouses, and children, our ability to spontaneously support one another has dwindled down to less than a few commute-window conversations and in-person visits a year.

I’m still really bad at asking for help. Sometimes I’m even bad at knowing when I need help.

We all live in a culture where the circumstances of modern adulthood, parenthood, and entrepreneurship make it all too easy to hide when we’re struggling. It’s hard to turn to old friends I don’t see enough–I tell myself that it’s selfish to call them and ask for support when I’m not there for them all the time. Of course, if I’m hanging out with new friends, I tell myself that they don’t know me well enough to want to support me.

All these years I’ve been working to shed that programming, and I have made tons of progress in how well I know myself and how much I like being that person. I got good at knowing myself, trusting my own judgment, being self-sufficient.

What I didn't realize: I'd swung too far. I'd confused 'not needing validation' with 'not needing support.' Those are very different things.

When it comes to work, I tell myself that I don’t reach out to my peers because I don’t want to add to their stress. They’re all entrepreneurs themselves, after all, and I feel sheepish asking for help without providing some value first.

That’s why #2 in our Buffalo Collective Community Guidelines is so important to our work. It says:

2. Give generously, ask boldly, receive graciously because full participation in regenerative abundance requires you to give AND take freely.

Maybe that challenges you, maybe it doesn’t, but as I learn more about what makes healthy systems work, I get more and more excited about the concept of regenerative abundance. We see it in healthy ecosystems, where every participant gets what they need and gives what they can so that everyone thrives. No one takes too much, and no one takes too little. 

Somewhere along the way, I (and probably most of the people reading this), was taught to only to give. We were taught to provide support, validation, labor, listening, encouragement, and love. I wasn’t taught that it was okay to ask for those things, and I definitely wasn’t taught that it was okay to seek them out.

Beloved peers have already told me how challenged they feel by #2, but I think the right folks don’t just recognize the challenge, they are ready to run towards it. Not asking for help, giving more than we take, or waiting for someone (like my wonderful friend Ali) to recognize our need is just not giving us enough of what we need to thrive.

So I’m reclaiming the concept of “herd mentality.”

I’m not advocating for lazy investing or mindless conformity, I’m talking about ACTUAL herd mentality-the kind that has allowed humans and countless other species to survive for hundreds of thousands of years.

At Buffalo Collective, herd mentality means:

• We stick together. We show up for each other and for ourselves.
• We run into the storm. We are not afraid of doing, saying, or hearing the hard thing because we know that we’ll be better on the other side of it.
• We are stronger together. Not because we can't do it alone, but because we don't have to and we weren't meant to.

Here's the question: What does it feel like to consider receiving as much as you provide?

If it feels good - exciting, relieving - you might be ready for this.

If it feels impossible or selfish, (or like something you’re willing to cheat at) you're probably not ready yet. And that's okay.

But if it feels scary AND necessary? That's the feeling of recognizing you need the herd.

Two herds start January 5th. 8 people each (that’s max, some spots are already filled!). $150/month, no commitment.

Read all nine guidelines here. If they resonate - especially if they challenge you in the right ways - schedule a screening conversation by December 20th.

Not everyone is ready to reclaim herd mentality. But if you are, let's talk.

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